Maacha called, OBL and other Bakwaas!

Couple of days back my friend - Maachi (a.k.a Maacha) pinged me up on my Gtalk. True to his gujju nature, he never calls on mobile and believes in giving missed calls and true to my pseudo-gujju nature, I also do the same. So was happy a bit that he at least has an internet connection these days.

But he was disturbed a bit. So after intense prodding he opened up and the ensuing conversation followed:

Maacha - I had a dream in which Osama appeared and said something…

Me - what?

Maacha - Yes. OBL wanted me to send some message.

Me – What did you reply?

Maacha – aama hu kyathi aayo? (how did I get involved in this?

Me – For the first time in life, even I didn’t understand how you got involved..

Maacha - He replied some virgin up there gave him my name.

Me - What? When did you send a virgin up there?

Maacha - Even I became tensed. I told I only remain friends with my gfs.Also I cannot send anybody. It is I who get sent to Bihar, Ethiopia, and all other god-forsaken places.



Me - What did OBL say?

Maacha - he says it seems one of my virgin gfs remained virgin because I refused to marry her.

Me - Dude, how many virgins you sent up there?

Maacha – According to OBL, all 72 are my former gfs.

Me (ROFL) - So you mean to say OBL’s 72 virgins are all gujjus?

Maacha - Don’t laugh. He was very angry with me as none of them were beautiful.

Me (consoling) - No Maachi. Gujju girls are beautiful and who said your gfs are not beautiful? (A true friend here! :P )



Maacha - He was also angry that none of them were from his caste. Worse still, he did not know which caste he belonged to nor his rashi.

Me - Don’t think OBL believe in caste systems.

Maacha - Well, he doesn’t but all my gujju gfs seems to have made OBL aware that he also has a caste. And they won’t marry him until him until he finds his correct caste.

Me - but why does he needs to marry them?

Maacha - My 72 gfs said that when their maasa, mausi, mama, mami, nana, nani, bhaiya, bhabhi (relatives), and all others come up there what will they say? Then OBL will have to elope and find a new hiding place. And from where he is now, he has very few left.

Me - I see. It is difficult to be the most-wanted man in both the lives.

Maacha – So now he thinks that to learn more about his caste, he needs to do some good deed which is the first step for him to discover his caste and this good deed is the message.



Me - What is it about?

Maacha - Well, it is guideline sort of thing for the Next Most Wanted Man.

Me - So why are you telling it to me?

Maacha - Dishit, I know you blog and I want you to post this.



Me - Dude - Are you crazy? Next thing I know, there will be bloody navy seals jumping out around my building, taking a head-shot and I will be dead without even a single tweet about it on twitter.

Maacha – Well if you don’t I will be blown out from Ahmedabad forever.

Me – That makes sense. Btw, this is the classic deadlock which we love to discover but not resolve. :P

Maacha – I have a solution.

Me – aaha (a small smirk appeared before it soon disappeared)

Maacha – Maanas ne olakhtha sikho. (Learn to understand a person)

Me – Always have at least in your case. But tell me about your solution.



Maacha - Osama showed me a video which he recently made up there. Poor soul he still believes he is living in the $1mn house in Pakistan. So he is sending the tape which says his message will be spread not through his followers but some innocent gujju. You are not a gujju so you are safe, the message will be spread and it will save my life from OxAMAs.

Me – I knew your solution will always be far away from any thing called logic. However, for you I will do it albeit for a small charge. Since you are a gujju and claim to not eat non-vegan food, and many other You-Know-What things, I would only ask you to give me call.

Maacha - Sure.

Me - Not missed call. (That was the maximum I ever can get out from him. I have principles of not doing anything for free. My reputation of being an pseudo-gujju will be in tatters, if I do not get any profit out of this transaction.)

Maacha - chokas! (sure)

The message - coming up in the next post! Stay tuned!


PS: To the real Maacha - after reading this do not exlclaim - aama hu kyathi aayo? :)
P.PS: All the above conversation happened in the urban version of gujarati. So any errors in translation is purely an error.
P.P.PS: No OBL was killed when writing this post.

Is Obama good for India?

Don’t think so if you are looking at the kind of noise that is coming from the white house. From the time Obama was elected, this question pestered me as none of his speeces gave that away. However, now after more than seven months in office, the picture does not look good on many fronts for India. Recently US has tried to allay India's fears with Clinton's visit but those steps I think are too less and infrequent. Some of the major observations from which I could answer the question is given below.

Taxing Outsourcing
Obama – “It's a tax code that says you should pay lower taxes if you create a job in Bangalore, than if you create one in Buffalo, New York.” There is no problem if you simply plugging a loophole in your tax system. However, to associate Bangalore with the loss of jobs in the US economy is not the correct way of looking at the problem. The major issue is that the current employees have stopped adding more value to their work. Thus any business when sees that a guy can do the same work at a cheaper rate would definitely prefer the cheaper option. Another point here is that outsourcing is done to other countries as well apart from Bangalore.

http://ibnlive.in.com/news/obama-bailout-say-no-to-bangalore-yes-to-buffalo/91807-2.html

Signing of NTP
India has always opposed the signing of NTP on the grounds that NTP would take away the minimum nuclear deterrence that India needs to protect itself from China and Pakistan. However, Obama administration is trying to get India sign it more dangerously equating India with countries like North Korea, Pakistan and Iran. This is despite the clean record that India has regarding nuclear proliferation. Iran and North Korea openly defy US and go on with their nuclear armament programs. On the other hand Pakistan is already indicted of proliferating nuclear technology.

http://www.hindu.com/2009/05/07/stories/2009050755551000.htm

Kashmir Issue
India has long adopted the stand that it is a bilateral issue between India and Pakistan and there is no need for any third party to get involved in this. The visit of Jones and Hillary Clinton now do indicate an indirect pressure from US on India to resolve the Kashmir issue urgently. No issue in that. However, US cannot force a solution on India so that Pakistan is satisfied.

One major reason for such aggressive posturing is to please the Pakistani administration so that Pakistan deploys more forces on the Af-Pak border rather than on the Indo-Pak border. The situation here is ironic to say the least. US is giving millions of dollars to make Pakistan to co-operate on its war on terror. Pakistan on the other hand is gleefully accepting that, give more forces to US for manning the Af-Pak border and on the same time is putting the same money to develop terrorist camps in PoK to spread terror.

http://www.dnaindia.com/india/report_us-may-pressurise-india-to-resolve-kashmir-issue_1253283

Emission Cuts
The US lobby is trying hard to sign India for the emission cuts which India has rightfully rejected. The main reason is that the emission level of India is far below than US or China itself. India contributes only 5% of the total CO2 emissions while US and China contributes 22% and 18% respectively of the total CO2 emissions.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_carbon_dioxide_emissions

For US, China is the buzzword as it is looking at China to escape from its economic turmoil as China can bankroll America’s debt. This is the main reason why for US, China is more important than India. China can ruin US without firing a single bullet. Similarly for China US is the single largest market for its cheap goods. Thus both US and China have become interdependent on each other for each other’s survival. India thus has to ensure, it doesn’t get sandwiched between the interests of these two giants. Another point to be noted is that the US for its war in Afghanistan needs Pakistan and for its economic security needs China. Thus US will always be wary of India’s interests to ensure its interests are met by China and Pakistan.


However US is trying to reduce India’s fears with the recent Hillary Clinton’s visit. We can only hope that US is really serious about its commitment towards India under the current circumstances where it is severely dependent on China and Pakistan.
http://www.hindu.com/2009/06/27/stories/2009062759961000.htm

Flipside to all this is that India, can stand up for itself and do not require US support on lot of issues that affect the world. However, we need leaders who can discern the difference between what is good for India and what is not in the long run. Can the current leaders do that? Only time will tell.