[A-Z Challenge] \/ for Venerable Virus

Quirks of Life starting with V is Venerable Virus which has existed from the beginning of life and still needle proud humans every now and then. This is part of April A-Z challenge details of which is present here.

 

Pulling it out from the crevices of various living cell, I have managed to get one virus talking for the A-Z challenge and having seen one and  all, it surely is the Venerable Virus!

From the times when a living cell originated in sea, I was there needling the living cell. I have continued the needling across the centuries needling all the organisms across all kingdoms including huge dinosaurs and the current rulers of earth - humans. However, in terms of pure numbers, I rule the world. 

A very simple makeup consisting of DNA/RNA, protein and lipid layer is all that is needed to make me. This makes me highly adaptable to various circumstances that earth can provide. Now this is called elegant design by the Universe/Creator, whichever school of thought you come from. 

Only by changing a small set of combination of DNA/RNA, I can turn into numerous different types ranging from absolutely lethal to harmless ones too. However, whatever the case, it is always a pain for the host.

However, humans being the smartest of species have created a digital version of me. Like me, it is created by few strands of software code that has the ability to reproduce and propagate. But it is a bawdy copy of me. 

The software code is unsustainable and these viruses have very little shelf-life. Humans, however smart they consider themselves to be can never come up with the elegant design that Universe/Creator could conjure up. 

More importantly, there are now species of me that can immediately clean up huge number of human population. Strategies have been devised to counter me. 

But I cannot be killed. How can they kill something which is not alive in the first place?  The only thing that humans can be done is wait for my next juggle of RNA/DNA and voila they will be spending billions to counter me. Ha ha to that!

[A-Z Challenge] T for Towel

Quirks of Life starting with T is Towel.  This is part of April A-Z challenge details of which is present here.

It was Douglas Adams who identified my true talents and made me famous across the world. 25th of May is also being celebrated as a Towel Day.The immortal words can be found here. So what does an humble towel has that much more celebrated items that man has invented does not have.  Well apart from the obvious and words dedicated by Doug, I do come in picture during many of the marital tiffs. An example is given below:

First Year of Marriage

He has left his wet towel on the bed. Guys will be guys! Everything has to be taught to them. Without me, how can he live? So sweet!

Second Year of Marriage

He forgot his wet towel on bed. He needs to be more serious in marriage and take more responsibility to live a meaningful life.

Third Year of Marriage

This is twice in two months that he has left his wet towel on the bed. We are going to have kids and he is still behaving like one. When will he learn?

Fourth Year of Marriage

There is this baby screaming. I have to do all these chores and above everything else he still has left his wet towel on the bed. He is treating me like a maid.

Fifth Year of Marriage

Four times in last two weeks. Can't you do one little thing right? How many times have I told you not to leave the wet towel on the bed like that? Kids are growing but an old man is turning into a kid.

Sixth Year of Marriage

This is it. You keep on treating me like a maid and I am done with this marriage. I will take my kids and go. Then you will remember not putting the wet towel on the bed.

Seventh Year of Marriage

Wet Towel on the bed and an empty house!

So thats done with the example and now leave you to ponder about my existence!

PS:I wanted to write something absolutely pointless. Not that the other were not pointless  but I wanted to climb the peak of pointlessness! Moreover, I wanted it to be aligned it to the theme - Quirks of Life. Somehow, felt the towel fit the bill perfectly.

[A-Z Challenge] Monday Morning

Quirks of Life starting with M is Monday Morning and this post has arrived by mail with no return address. So please, please provide comments in the comment section as that will be monitored by today's esteemed guest. 

Hello All,

It all started with a big fat cat in a newspaper cursing me. He never went to work or worked but he ensured, all those people who went to work on Monday felt miserable about it. But from the day, he started cursing me, everybody else started it. On the other hand, all the glory has gone to Friday morning. People go to work in casuals all gay. Even if the work that they have to do on Monday or Friday is the same, people look at it more favorably.

What irks me the most is that people leave a sigh of relief when Monday gets over. That is downright insulting.  For the rest of the days, it is still better. They get the occasional crib. However, for me, the crib is eternal.

Some kind souls have tried to make me happier for people. They would run "Thanks God, it’s Monday" articles. But these articles will be more on the lines of motivational quotes, productivity tips or knowledge series. It is like consoling people about a friend's death by telling him, how good that person was. It never makes a difference. Nevertheless, I am grateful to them for doing their bit to make me a bit more cheerful to people.

With the advent of social network, the cribbing has only amplified. There are dedicated posts cursing me. Moreover, such posts will be liked and shared too. Imagine being ridiculed, insulted and bemoaned about week after week. People also fall ill just because of me. I was never conscious of my power. However, I am not a sadist. I want people to be happy just like they are on Friday mornings.

I could only come up with a sad rant here. However, people should understand my plight and at least empathize with me by not defaming me in public.

Yours Truly,

Monday Morning!!

[A-Z Challenge] Luck

This is part of the April A-Z Challenge where a post has to be posted every day in the month of April except on Sundays. The details are present here. The theme for my posts is "Quirks of Life".  Luck or a little bit of a nudge is one of those quirks that we sometimes need in our lives.

From the fuzzy side of the universe, where existence and nonexistence simultaneously exist, and where the line between presence or absence of concepts are blurred, ladies and gentlemen - I present to you - Luck!

Of all the happenings in the world, I am the most misunderstood. People of different religions call me differently. I might be termed as a consequence of karma or I might be kismet (destiny or fate). What very few never call me is an event. 

Human beings have been given a rational mind. Nope they have been given an unsettled mind which thinks, thinks and thinks. This makes them want to define me in myriad ways that is possible. Moreover, humans are very egoistic in nature. So even if everything points to the contrary, they still believe they have the imagination or thought process to define me. To that optimism - Ha ha!.

People go to great lengths to appease Gods so that I do them a favor. They categorize me into good luck and bad luck. However, I am only one.

I do not have any good or bad part of it. People on the other hand rarely understand this. They roll over on the ground, climb mountains, fast for days just to appease their Gods.

According to them, God then will command me to do something in their favor. Little do they understand that God does not have a part to play in this. I happen by chance and by the natural order of the world. 

Many sports-persons have their good luck charms. Let me tell you, they never work. It is just that they gain confidence by having those charms and whatever the magic they do on the field is due to that confidence. I am just a mute spectator. 

However, I must appreciate  the mathematicians of the world. They have come very close in their definition of me. They have termed me as a random event independent of other events. 

I like that because it is very similar to me. However, if you come from the world which I inhabit, you would find many of us are like that only. So although you may never be invited to my world, I definitely can share my thoughts on my friends if I am invited again here. For now, adios!

PS: Although Mr. Luck has talked a lot about his being impartial and being part of the natural order of things, I myself need loads of luck and would continue to keep my fingers crossed for all critical events of my life including on winning this challenge!

[A-Z Challenge] Its G for Gravity!

Created from the dusts of the big bang - billions of years old, and still going strong, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Grrrrrrraaaaaaaaaavityyyyyy!!!!

Of all those who have preluded me, I was the only one there when the big bang happened! Although I was weak, I was still there. I am one of the forces which shaped this universe. The universe may not have come all right but we were the principal architects of it. We have moved the enormous masses around with that big bang.

I am the one of the most visible forces on earth. Numerous phenomena happen just because of me and many of them also do not occur because of me. Despite all this, humans were not aware of for major part of their history. It was that one apple that fell on a fairly intelligent fellow that made humans aware of my presence. God bless that apple and that intelligent fellow. For without them, I would still be invisible to the human race.

Not that I need any spotlight. But when evolution has worked so much to develop intelligence in human beings, it needs to be put to use in some way. That recognition was the least that they could do. 

Big bang was what I want to talk about. Ah! Those were the days. We had no knowledge of what we have to do. We just had couple of gases with us and were ordered to create a Universe out of nothing. Think about that. No requirements, no directions nothing. Only we, forces were present and these gases that moved according to our will.

Moreover, in the universe of things, I was the weakest of all and the nuclear forces were way stronger than me. But I gained strength as particles started acquiring masses and there my work began shaping the universe and you can see the result.

Right now the universe is in cruise control mode and it is going to be in this mode for sometime now. At least till the time, most of you readers are alive. For me, nothing changes. I am strong now and I can manage the things around with nuclear and electromagnetic forces.

We have become a great team. For big distances, I am in charge. As the distances reduce, other forces take over and influence the shaping of universe. During those times, I sit arm up on my chair, smiling at their work. Yep I have me place for relaxation though not exactly a chair. It exists in the minute spaces within the smaller particles where I am at the weakest.

Still we are always working. Our work is still not finished as little bits of events disturb Universe's balance and we have a job to maintain and shape it up as per the new events such as supernova, black holes, death of a star, etc. So now going back to what I do best but not before saying thanks to this not so intelligent fellow for allowing me to voice myself after billions of years of working in silence!

PS: This is part of the April A-Z Challenge where a post has to be posted every day in the month of April except on Sundays. The details are present here.

A is for April Fool's Day!

The first day of the month and the first day of the challenge.There was none better quirk than the Fool's day itself. Unfortunately unlike the other days of celebration in which we are inundated with various products, fool's day comes across as a low-key affair. So I asked Fool's Day (FD ) to have a word with us.

Ahem.  I have never been offered this honor of presenting my views on myself. So thank you very much. Well to begin with, I am really very disappointed with this state-of-affairs. Unlike  the other days, which are very specific to one category of people such as valentine's day, women's day, etc. I relate to the entire mankind. Yet except for few geeky organizations and some real pranksters(bow down), nobody takes me seriously. Yep I understand the irony. Probably with the world so wired for the specialists, they forget a generalist like me. Maybe they are not sure what to do with a generalist. 

Furthermore, this year it came on morose Monday which in a normal course of life itself is a huge dampener for many. Morose Monday is laughing at me. Nature has played a cruel prank on me this year by choosing Monday for me. Yet chin up is what I told myself. Smiled at the little pranks happening around. It lifted my spirits. 

In India, with the financial year closing on 31st March, I was celebrated with a sigh of relief after the exertions of last week in most organizations. That pepped me up. Then there were those stupid messages traversing across the mobile networks putting smile  on people around. 

Yet I crave for the publicity blitz that happens on other days. A week before that day, advertising campaigns are sounded like war horns. TV, radio, social media like twitter, facebook are full of messages, videos and cards . For me it is nothing. This despite the fact that  my appeal casts a wider net than the other days!

Yet what I get is nothing. Not even a holiday. No remembrance. Even if I am forgotten, nobody complains. No gifts are exchanged to be remembered for a life time. But, I bring smile on people's faces.I lighten the mood. The mushy couples forget mushiness for a day and play pranks on each other. A glum boss may play a prank on his directs. Kids have all the fun on that day. Sometimes their parents and teachers become the target of their pranks. The world suddenly seem to be a happy place for all. So hoping a better treatment next year around, I leave you with the thought - 

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe. - Albert Einstein

 PS: This is part of the April A-Z Challenge where a post has to be posted every day in the month of April except on Sundays. The details are present here. On my part the theme for this series is "Quirks of Life". So will be racking my mind on finding those illusive quirks.

[Guest Blog] The Cubicle Mouse

After an old  man and a word, now we have the mouse from the cubicle as the next guest blogger. It has been showing up more than what it used to. So on inquiring about the increased visitations, it said it was sad. As the blog is generally bereft of new posts I gave him the opportunity to write his heart out here! 

Hi There!

I live close to those lonely souls called wires. Poor things communicate daily people's conversation but have themselves no one to talk to except me. So I get to hear the entire official grapevine. I know all the mother-in-law issues, wife issues, the location of night-outs, boyfriend/girlfriend issues,  courtesy these wires. Don't ask me details now. There will be time for details but not in this post. So from this source I got to know about blogging. The author of this post generally likes to post from office and we get the sneak-preview before it gets published. Anyways it never is that interesting, but being privy to information in information age is to be powerful. I wanted to start a blog but guess this blog is anyway unused so I might well use it more often. So that is the background story. 


Now, I like to give my introduction. I am part of the author's team unknown to most team members. I have been there before there was any team in the first place. In the official counting, I am never included as I never fill time-sheets. I don't believe in filling my time for a duty which I consider my birth-right. More on this birth-right will come later in the email. The rest on me you will come to know from my planned series of emails.

Now, I will talk about my smaller friend who died an untimely death in the bin of the person whom I used to hate and left me alone in this world. Yes I still have my wire friends but as the jingle go Har Friend Zaroori Hota Hai. I hated my friend's executioner much before that and from all the overheard conversations the author here also does not like him. He is after all author's manager. This manager flicks all the chocolates, biscuits and whatever eatable before I could even smell it. The dust-like crumbs left after this manager had his fill were the only proofs of the presence of those delicious foods. Yet he was just the person whom I hated before his bin claimed my friend's life. But now he is my enemy and I will extract my revenge in good time and in kind.

Now about birth-right I was talking about. We clean-up the dirt of the society. Very few people of your kind ever understand the importance of this duty. We are what the classifiers call the scavengers.  Without us, those big crumbs will rot and spread diseases. My friend was doing this duty to society. Yet the same society never understands this. But the good part is the satisfaction that he died a death in the line of duty as a martyr. He did not die by running away and getting beaten to death or by getting trapped. He died in the line of duty of eating away the food in the bin. Moreover, before dying he had his share of limelight.

He was spotted first doing his duty in author's bin. Seeing the awe and excitement that came with his sighting, my proud friend's heart swelled and probably must have heard victory drums being played in the background. Under this spell, he bravely and slowly like a man in control with his surroundings, moved from one bin to my enemy's bin with a single graceful leap that would have done any ballad dancer proud. Unfortunately that was the last leap he ever made. For as he was doing his duty, the mouth of the bin closed and he was thrown into Malad creek, never to be seen again.  Please observe a minute of silence to pray for his soul. On this sad note, I take your leave. But I will be back and the next time with some juicy office gossip. Till then Adios!

Yours Friendly,

The Cubicle Mouse

 

Stop Abusing Me!! - Fvck

I have here today a guest-blogger who is a bit peeved after release of the movie - Delhi Belly. To give a vent to his frustrations, I have invited him on my blog. So ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to this famous guest - "FVCK". The one word which is gaining popularity by the day and is capturing the market share of  the word "GOD". But it seems it is not very happy with it. So now let's hear from the horse's mouth!

Disclaimer Alert! - This blog contains words that are inappropriate for certain audiences. Other set of audience might feel this post as offensive.If you are in either of these highly sensitive category, I advice you to stop reading and go and continue watching facebook videos!

Delhi Belly - Nothing surpasses the pain, that Delhi Belly has given me. Almost every second line in the movie, my prowess was being used, yet I am not happy. You see, I have a job to do. My job is express profanity or to negatively characterize anything that can be dismissed, disdained, defiled or destroyed. There is nothing good in me. Even when used with the most noblest intention, I just cannot be good and I am proud of that. You can compare me with the garbage collectors. Even when they are doing their job, it is a dirty job. Remember the song - sab gandha hai par dhandha hai yeh! That is what I am all about.

Let me give you a bit more background before coming to the main issue. In our nether world of profanities, I am the one perched high up, way above the others. My peers - ass-holes, shit, hell, goddamn, damn although good can never match my versatility. I can be used in multiple situations to express most of the negative expressions. My peers remain in awe of this versatility. 

Now with the release of Delhi Belly, my usage has surged as I am now considered to be part of the pop culture. Although I always feel good about that, but the way it is being used, my standing among my peers has diminished. They are all laughing at me when they hear some of the usage mainly by some teeny-weeny gals and so-called dudes (read duds) who are out there to impress these teeny-weeny gals. Here are some sample usage

• Fvckingly funny - overheard a gal on mobile after watching Delhi Belly - Don't I just hate Delhi Belly?
• You know fvck......I was there fvck...I went to fvck movie...I caught cab fvck..Guy-talk they say - But like the pot-holes on the mumbai road, you do not want them, yet you cannot avoid them and by the time you finish a journey, you just want to say to the roads and these guys - Fvck Off!
• What a fvck!- A gal describing a beautiful natural scenery - nothing related to me!  - Go read Word Power to increase your vocabulary, you dumb creature.
• Oh fvck oh fvck oh fvck! - again by a gal - this is expressing happiness unfortunately my verb form is not being used! - Happiness and me without my verb form is an oxymoron, you morons! 

Probably I am over-reacting but this is humiliation. I wanted to sue Aamir Khan Productions. However, being a word, I cannot be a litigant and do not have any legal standing. After all how can an abusive word be abused? I need something like Prevention of Abuse of Words (PAW) backed by leading celebrities to take my cause. Meanwhile, you can do your bit by not abusing me and creating awareness on this. However, after reading this, if you exclaim - I don't give a fvck! I will find solace that you did not abuse me there. 

So signing off with a heavy heart - 

Yours Sincerely,

FVCK!

PS: I could not even sign my name with my correct spelling to escape being tagged as spam by the search filters. Sigh! 

Guest Blog - An Old Man's rant

Image Source 

Finally after a long time of no-activity I have been able to pen down a post albeit with the help of an anonymous old man who was last seen trying to catch an auto-rickshaw. :)
All autos whizzed past me but none stopped as every auto had a passenger. The time’s 9.15 AM. It is the peak time for the office-goers. I used to be like them not so long ago. I myself started my office-days playing catch-up with the elusive bus that helped me reach my office on time. But if I missed that, which happened quite often, did mean an earful in the morning from my not-so benevolent boss.
Anyways as my income increased I graduated to the auto-rickshaws which is a unique breed compared to all other modes of transport. The 2-stroke engine 3 wheeler has a tendency to roll over the moment it encounters any change in centre of gravity and thus it is a little dangerous if you have the weight to alter its centre of gravity. Yet remarkably this vehicle can wriggle out from the tightest corner like a cockroach with consummate ease. Yes I call the ubiquitous 3-wheeler the cockroaches of the road. They just come out and go in out of nowhere and if you are in them, you never know the route the driver is going to take. These days they also smell like cockroaches with toxic petrol and kerosene mix fumes coming out. I don’t blame the cockroach-roadie. The government has given them incentive to do that with differential pricing on all petroleum products. However, unlike the silent cockroaches, the cockroach roadie can spew out great invectives if by chance you block their progress. The best part is when at the end of ride you are mentally and physically exhausted they ensure you get financially exhausted too. But can’t really blame them. The system mandates them to be like that, else they get slaughtered like a pig. ( No pigs were harmed when writing this )

As time passed I moved to my “Hamara Bajaj” two-wheeler; the largest selling two-wheeler of the country. As the slogan went, it was a family vehicle equally loved by my wife and children. But my children have grown and they prefer the fast cars and motorbikes to “Hamara Bajaj”. So now my “Hamara Bajaj” sits in the corner of my household gathering rust and living a retired life just like myself. But hats-off to it for giving our family some of the best moments of our life.

(Image Source)

Now in the retired life I prefer walking rather than navigate the cows, potholes, the fancy cars and bikes. However I have to take my pension from the same place where I worked for so long and they have asked me to come sharp at 9.30. Wonder when India started working on time!!Ah, yes an empty cockroach has arrived and here I go reliving the journey of my younger days...