Mallu Christian Weddings in Gujarat

It is Mallus this time with gujjus as the chicken leg-piece! Read on before taking out the daggers! 

This post has been in the Draft state for sometime now. So to end the agony of this post languishing in the confines of Draft status I am moving it to Published state. Hopefully it will feel better there.

Mallu christian weddings in Gujarat are generally a dull affair and self takes extreme measures in avoiding them. However, during the childhood stage of existence, parents exercised their veto powers against every motion of avoiding these weddings. So having gone to a handful of them, have come out with the some of the prominent features of the wedding!

Gold 

The wedding reception can also be termed as a Gold Show. Ladies across all age will be heavily armed with gold all around them. The challenge for the bride is to have the heaviest artillery of gold on her. The order of magnitude by which bride should outstrip the other ladies in terms of weight of gold is comparable with Sachin's runs against WI batsmen (the current crop). This will ensure the other ladies will talk in hushed awe tones about the gold. Else the groom will be titled "Pavam*" and the bride will be termed as bringing ill-luck to the family. Alright, I exaggerated there a bit, but it is on the similar lines.

Queue

The next persistent characteristic is the queue. It never shortens and you stay rooted to the same spot although the number of people ahead of you increases in an exponential manner. Have heard that this is a typical  characteristic of every wedding happening in the Indian sub-continent. Maybe it is to do with our caring nature. We just cannot fathom that a person known to us is standing so back in queue when we ourselves are soon going to gorge on the delicious looking chicken biryani. More on chicken biryani later in the post. We really want to help the poor relative / friend who is standing way behind and help him get the food almost at the same time when we get it. However this kind of care is only limited to weddings and the care vanishes soon after the wedding.

Food Counter

This is the most happening place at the reception. Mothers, grandmas, wives will scream, steal, and beg for the elusive chicken leg-piece. The perfect almost queen-like women of all ages with their stiff upper lips suddenly turn into blood lusting vampires the moment they near the food counter. Believe, the strong aroma of the biryani rice activates the release of soon-to-be-named hormone which causes them to turn into vampires just like the sight of moon turn people into werewolf. The unbearable heat, the smelly arm-pits, the jostling, screaming - nothing deters the mallus from getting their prized chicken leg-piece. It is the cherry on the cake and nobody can take away their right to this chicken leg-piece!

Chicken Biryani

Yes it is always the chicken biryani. This fascination with chicken biryani never ends. People crib about the biryani when it is not there and when it is there. Like a true cricket fan who carries all stats and match incidents in his memory, people will remember the texture, flavour, type of rice, the softness of chicken, etc they have eaten so far in their lives at wedding receptions in their convoluted mallu brain. The memory remains. Whatever the marrying parties do to make their  biryani best, their biryani will never be able to match the best biryani that each of the mallu present at the wedding ever had.

Gujjus

After last post, I did not want anymore posts on them after my friend threatened with dire consequences. But then he usually does. So here I go again. Gujjus in Mallu weddings are the most clueless people in the wedding. They won't understand all the hoopla happening on the chicken biryani counter as most of them won't eat chicken. Of course some of them will be salivating after  smelling the chicken but this being a public occasion and the chances of mamas, mamis, phoi et all lurking around the corner, they just give the chicken a slip. Some respite for the chicken from the blood-thirsty mallus. Additionally, Gujjus will move in groups i.e. Neighborhood group, office group or college group. They are very easier to spot as they will be the most clueless group around with question marks on each of their foreheads. They only understand two things in the entire wedding. First is the bride and groom and second is the veg good counter. They religiously attend to these two places and go home.The problem is with the hordes of Mallus around and a smattering of Malayalam happening everywhere, they suddenly forget they are still in Gujarat. Poor souls get disoriented. But they do go back with a huge smile on their faces and their orientation corrected for Gujju food is specially served at a zero queue veg counter.

* Pavam - means innocent or in this case naive. The groom gets sympathies if he gets the title of Pavam

PS: Never planned to mention chicken so many times. It just happened and so the disclaimer. No chicken was killed in writing this post.:)

Gujjus DeClassified!

Caution: This post consist of sensitive information about a certain community of people most of whom occupy the western side of the country called India and in the most developed country of the world. However, if you are part of this community and your jaggery mixed blood boils, on reading criticism about your community, then the sugar in your jaggery filled blood will break-down to glucose. So cheers to your good health! 

Being spent all my childhood in Gujarat, when you go out you feel most gujjus are stereotyped in most cases. So to ensure stereotyping is being done correctly, I have mentioned some of the famous and not-so famous stereotypes here!

Jack-Ass Gujju
Shimmering shirt with an equal shimmering trousers / jeans to match, gelled hair, a gold chain and multiple phones with multiple sim-cards. He is the Gujju Casanova who does not mind an occasional drink of scotch. The selection of scotch is only for display purposes. Personally he wouldn't mind the taste of cheapest alcohol available in the market. As he is the Casanova, he is bound to be surrounded by some of the smartest gujju girls around. (more on gujju girls sometime later.) For the Casanovas, every situation in life would be a larger than life scenario keeping the surrounding gujju gals wide-eyed.

Bhakt Gujju

Strictly follows religion, does not eat meat, if highly conservative type then would not eat garlic, etc. Take them to a non-veg restaurant and you would enjoy the animated discussion they have with waiter as they will be sorting out which food item they can eat. At the end of it our friend will have something that will go with Paneer.

Dhaiyo Gujju

He is a variant slight variant of Conservative Gujju. This person does all the above activities, but prods him on a bit with chicken and a small drink, he will give in. But  beef and mutton remain in the Restricted category. A strict no-no. Taking him to a restaurant is like challenging your persuasion skills. You know he deep inside he yearns for the meat. Yet when asked the answer always stays no. Make him say yes and you won't need to read You can sell which is as fruitless as Bhajji trying to spin the ball.

Kalakkaar Gujju

"Jevo desh evo vesh" is their motto in life. (it translates to "When in Rome, do as Romans do.") They are the meat-eating Gujjus seen outside Gujarat. Within the border of Gujarat they will hold the lofty values of conservative gujju aloft but take them out of Gujarat and they turn back on those same values. We should never be harsh on these poor creatures. For them, their conscience bites when they have meat or alcohol. To soothe their bruised conscience, they placate themselves with this motto.

Kanjoos Gujju

They are the smartest people on earth and sometimes not so too. They have complex algorithm wired or hard-coded in their brain that does a cost-benefit analysis for any situation within a fraction of seconds. Although the return on your investments for this fraction of seconds might be a rupee or two, but it still its worth. Moreover, the result from this analysis is worth in gold. They can give the McKinseys, KPMGs and  Deloittes  a run for their money with their insights and analysis.

Jalebi Gujju

They are the gujju who love their fafdas jalebis, khakhras, khamans the best. You will always find them eating something. In Gujarat's dry climate you could see them sweat out oil from their chubby skin pores. But this is not their specialty. Their specialty is their confidence in knowing everything. Ask them the most difficult questions that humankind faces and they will come with prompt answers which probably only Google can beat. The flip-side is that most of the times they are incorrect. For visitors in Gujarat this is a bit disconcerting flip-side as the most reliable answer they thought they got would be the most off the mark.

Jalsa Gujju

Joi de vivre is their motto. They never say no to the sins of the world. They live to enjoy but they never take off the eye of the ball called life. However, occasionally they do take their eye off and they fall with a thud which is more comical than tragic. They first try to hide and then try to shrug it off but seeing its futility they laugh it off making it a memory. Caution need to be exercised as in company of them, you may also fall off but might not be able to laugh it off.

You may see a combination of these characters in various gujjus around you. Do not get surprised. Like the Gujju Thali in marriages, which has the aalu floating with the chunda, the gujjus also come in various flavors of the above characteristics. Do enlighten with the other stereotypes that I have missed out and leaving with a hot cutting chai that every gujju loves to serve and drink!

PS: Here the term Gujju does not apply only whose mother tongue is Gujarati. It also includes the vast majority who has been brought up in Gujarat including self.

[Politics] FDI in Multi-brand Retail

Image Courtesy

Last few days, Government has been trying to pass a bill which raises the FDI limit in  multi-brand retail chains to 49%. However, as usual Left has opposed which comes as no surprise. What really surprises me is the opposition by BJP as they are considered to to be the progressive right wing as far as politics of economics goes. Either ways some of the direct and indirect benefits of raising the limit is given below:

Advantages

• Inflation in India is mainly a supply-side issue. The rising disposable income of middle-class is demanding more with minimal increase in efficiency from the supply-side. Government in its bill is asking the foreign retailer to invest 50% in the back-end process. Improving the efficiency will improve the farm productivity and thus increase supply reducing the inflationary pressure. The cost of important food items will reduce in the long run. This is what BJP, CPM and "common man" actually want.
• Any new retail-chain creates multitude of job-opportunities at the front-end. This is clearly evident in the number of malls that we have. Even in IT/ITES services, the housekeeping and security gives a good chunk of population a regular monthly income. Additionally, the setting up of back-end infrastructure, supply chain logistics will create another set of jobs.
• Currently there is no provision of cold-storage which causes around 40% of the supplies to rot. With superior technology and prior experience of foreign retail chains, this loss will be minimized. As they are partnering with Indian firms, this technology know-how will be transferred to Indian firms too.
• To us consumers, apart from the cheaper food items, we will get to have more choices and thus improve our standard of living.
• Big organizations can set up deals directly with farmers thus giving the farmers better deal. Additionally, big organizations will provide latest technologies and best practices which will ensure more yield per area  of irrigation. The best example here is Amul which leverages farm produce across Gujarat and thus help give the cattle-owners good deal.

Disadvantages

• The major chunk of people losing out here will be the small kirana stores and the middle-men. However, as with other industries, the smartest of them will find ways to survive under changing business scenario.
• The second argument is building up the cold storage and infrastructure is government  business. Do we really need another 2G proportional scam where tax payers as usual are looted of their money or better invite private sector which already has the tech know-how and experience in implementing it?
• Another argument is the Wal-mart and Tesco taking over the entire supply-chain. Well, if the bill is debated in the parliament, I do not see a way, by which government cannot impose certain curbs to prevent taking over of entire supply chain.

So at the most, the loss will be limited only to the kirana store owners and middle-men. So not sure, what the opposition is opposing here. Are they opposing the welfare of the citizens over selected kirana store owners and middle-men?

PS: I have given a bit simplistic view here. Getting hard core numbers would have resulted in similar conclusion. However, in interest of sleep and a bout of laziness has prevented me from doing so. 


P.PS: Extensive analysis available here

[Online Marketing] Twitter Tips from User Perpective

With every other organization jumping on the twitter band-wagon, it becomes intimidating for an organization to join on twitter.  Many of them simply don’t join in as it is a new medium and they want to keep things as is. However, once the competition start leveraging the power of twitter, the reality dawns and then it is just too late. So given here are few of tips that can help in reducing some of the initial jitters:

1. Twitter is a medium of communication. That is the most important concept that needs to be understood for any organization. Whatever the organization tweets, it becomes a press statement. As just as for any other medium of communication (digital, print, etc), you need to ensure the communication remains consistent with your values and mission.
2. The initial set of users is the set with whom you are very closely associated with. You need to nurture them as they become your voice moving forward and they become the cause for the newer set of users.
3. The depth of all relationships depends on the extent of mutual respect. Honestly appreciate your suppliers or customers on any improvement in process or any implementation of good strategy. Even a slightly better product from them should not go unappreciated.
4. It is a communication medium. So you need to engage your followers. Some of the organizations that I have observed tend to only promote their brand and only post promotional news. This turns off your followers. Occasional branding is fine though. Your users are reading your tweets in their timeline. That is a sacred space. They want something useful for them in their timeline. It also shows your respect for their timeline. Spamming with tweets is an absolutely no-no. For example, if you are mobile manufacturer having Android as the OS you can post the tips and tricks of using the phone to the users. Users will like these kinds of update and they will do Re-Tweet (RT). The tweet and your brand spread.
5. @<Your Handle> is the only way users can send their feedback. This is the simplest form of getting feedback about your product / service. Monitor this. A prompt response to the feedback makes the user feel valued and will post more such feedback and thus helping you improve your product / service as per customer needs.
6. Get the twitter stream mentioning your organization’s name on to your website. This will help your future customers know the kind of chatting happening on the twitter about your organization. You future customers will get a sense of security when they can see what people are saying about you on the net. Do this only if you are managing each of the feedback actively. Also getting this done will require some development effort, although very minimal.
7. Twitter gives “Follow” button and “Tweet” button. Follow button helps the new customers read about your new posts. If properly managed, this helps in building trust. If you are publishing any insightful articles about your product or the industry in general, the tweet button will help you increase your reach substantially. There are others from Google (g+), Facebook. But none can compare with the reach Twitter has.
8. Do Re-Tweet the posts where you have been appreciated. These appreciations are more valuable as they come from your customers or industry peers and thus resonate with your current and future customers.
9. If it is a small organization, you can give your employees the freedom to tweet about you. Good and happy feedback from them shows the culture that you have as an organization. Transparency will be the first and most important quality will be show-cased which will help in building trust. This on the other hand challenges you to listen to both your customer as well as your employees. If taken positively, it can transform your organizational culture and thus increase your brand-value among your customers. However, caution must be exercised as this can act as a double-edged sword and can backfire. Start-ups where people are dedicated for the success of it can implement this strategy easily.
10. Ensure you have only one twitter handle. People have short memories. They cannot remember different handles for each of your different product line. They want to give feedback and quick. Having a single handle helps them in remembering your twitter and in turn will help you in getting timely feedback. 

To summarize, tweeting is a form of communication with your customers, employees, and stakeholders all at once. So all the principles of communication apply and you need to be sure what you want to communicate to them. If managed well, it can become the most powerful tool to increase your business.

To get more information on twitter please refer the link here. For a detail on twitter words, please refer the twitter glossary. 

This post was first published here.

10 Travelling Tips for a Vacation

Considerable part of my last two years was spent on travelling. All only for pleasure, though lot of them were trips to home. So have gone through the pains which come from being on vacation. Generally, unless going for a bike-rides or long drives, going to a vacation is generally reaching a place and then start enjoying once there.

Of course you will be in the vacation mood even before you start the travel. Yet, the big draw will always be the vacation place. So obviously for most of us travelling, is a bit of a tough part of going to a vacation. Here are some of the tips that made this pain part a bit easier to handle it better:

1. When travelling together, never go near your iPads, iPods, androids, books, or mobiles. Better stil don’t take them in the first place. These are the things that we wanted to get away from in the first place. Talk, sing, joke, prank with those around you. The laughs that you have are more important than those status updates that go to facebook streams to get those likes. Or when you want to have a moment of your silence for yourself, look out at the wide open spaces, the green nature, the idle bucolic life, that start appearing as you move out away from  the cities. On the other hand, if you are a writer, having a notepad to jot down your thoughts is not a very bad idea.
2. If you are going for a planned trip, have a buffer time in your itinerary for the travel delays or unintended stops. Sometimes these stops might be just the stops where you spend time to enjoy the nature or want to enjoy an extended lunch. Having these buffer will help you not rush through these moments as sometimes at the end of vacation, these moments might as well turn out to be the best ones.
3. Travel Light. Except the bare essentials, anything else is a burden. Of course, you want to have a backup for all kinds of emergencies. So research the place and find out things that will be available in case of emergencies. You can skip them if the travel time is less. Moreover, if you are going as a group, you can have one set or maximum of two sets of essentials. Essentials include tooth-pastes, deodorants, shampoos, conditioners, etc. Do ensure each one have their own first-aid medical kit. That is not to be shared.
4. Things can and most often do happen which is not supposed to happen. It is important to take this with a shrug of a shoulder, a laugh and then move on. Be cautious enough to avoid such kind of situations. But not all situations can be avoided. Face the situation and do not panic. Once you are through with it, you will remember it for all the wrong reasons. So cheer up, you will crack up when remembering these moments later.
5. Ensure your senses are at a higher level of caution and you are looking out for your things. Living things unattended may ruin your entire vacation. On the other hand, do not be paranoid. You will forget to enjoy the travel if you become paranoid. One way of maintaining this balance, is to have a periodic check of your belongings.
6. If it is long travel, ensure you start the day with a light breakfast and good amount of water. In case, the night before had a binge drinking session, a strong coffee, with loads of water will lighten up the head along with the breakfast.  
7. Keep stock of dry fruits, water and fresh fruits for the whole journey. Periodic consumption of these will keep your energy level high throughout the journey and reduce the tiredness at the end of the journey. Avoid chips and burgers. They are water guzzlers, difficult to digest and provide you with little usable energy.
8. Do have the usual stock of medicines you generally take and some which you know you might need while travelling. For example a bad stomach, a slight fever are the most common travelling ailment you can get due to variety of reasons. So medicines for those are absolutely essential. 
9. In your plan, do visualize all the things that can go wrong and at least have one solution to tackle the thing that went wrong. This will help you not freeze up when something goes wrong and enable you to take rational decisions.
10. Last point is suggested in the first paragraph of this post itself. Do not consider vacation as the part that starts after the travel part is over. It starts with the travel. So enjoy the vacation including the travel and have a great vacation!

This post was first published here.

[Guest Blog] The Cubicle Mouse

After an old  man and a word, now we have the mouse from the cubicle as the next guest blogger. It has been showing up more than what it used to. So on inquiring about the increased visitations, it said it was sad. As the blog is generally bereft of new posts I gave him the opportunity to write his heart out here! 

Hi There!

I live close to those lonely souls called wires. Poor things communicate daily people's conversation but have themselves no one to talk to except me. So I get to hear the entire official grapevine. I know all the mother-in-law issues, wife issues, the location of night-outs, boyfriend/girlfriend issues,  courtesy these wires. Don't ask me details now. There will be time for details but not in this post. So from this source I got to know about blogging. The author of this post generally likes to post from office and we get the sneak-preview before it gets published. Anyways it never is that interesting, but being privy to information in information age is to be powerful. I wanted to start a blog but guess this blog is anyway unused so I might well use it more often. So that is the background story. 


Now, I like to give my introduction. I am part of the author's team unknown to most team members. I have been there before there was any team in the first place. In the official counting, I am never included as I never fill time-sheets. I don't believe in filling my time for a duty which I consider my birth-right. More on this birth-right will come later in the email. The rest on me you will come to know from my planned series of emails.

Now, I will talk about my smaller friend who died an untimely death in the bin of the person whom I used to hate and left me alone in this world. Yes I still have my wire friends but as the jingle go Har Friend Zaroori Hota Hai. I hated my friend's executioner much before that and from all the overheard conversations the author here also does not like him. He is after all author's manager. This manager flicks all the chocolates, biscuits and whatever eatable before I could even smell it. The dust-like crumbs left after this manager had his fill were the only proofs of the presence of those delicious foods. Yet he was just the person whom I hated before his bin claimed my friend's life. But now he is my enemy and I will extract my revenge in good time and in kind.

Now about birth-right I was talking about. We clean-up the dirt of the society. Very few people of your kind ever understand the importance of this duty. We are what the classifiers call the scavengers.  Without us, those big crumbs will rot and spread diseases. My friend was doing this duty to society. Yet the same society never understands this. But the good part is the satisfaction that he died a death in the line of duty as a martyr. He did not die by running away and getting beaten to death or by getting trapped. He died in the line of duty of eating away the food in the bin. Moreover, before dying he had his share of limelight.

He was spotted first doing his duty in author's bin. Seeing the awe and excitement that came with his sighting, my proud friend's heart swelled and probably must have heard victory drums being played in the background. Under this spell, he bravely and slowly like a man in control with his surroundings, moved from one bin to my enemy's bin with a single graceful leap that would have done any ballad dancer proud. Unfortunately that was the last leap he ever made. For as he was doing his duty, the mouth of the bin closed and he was thrown into Malad creek, never to be seen again.  Please observe a minute of silence to pray for his soul. On this sad note, I take your leave. But I will be back and the next time with some juicy office gossip. Till then Adios!

Yours Friendly,

The Cubicle Mouse

 

Obituary: Dennis Ritchie

#include <stdio.h>

#include <conio.h>


void main(){


int i;
int year[10]={1964,1969,1970,1973,1978,1983,1985,1991,2011,0};
clrscr();
printf("\n\n\t\tHello World");
for(i=0;i<10;i++){
            switch(year[i]){


case 1964:
printf("\n\n\t\tYear:%d\n\t",year[i]);
printf("Ancestors of C - Combined Programming Language & BASIC CPL (BCPL) came into being");
getch();
clrscr();
break;


case 1969:
printf("\n\n\t\tYear:%d\n\t",year[i]);
printf("First version of Unix came into being not written in C");
getch();
clrscr();
break;


case 1970:
printf("\n\n\t\tYear:%d\n\t",year[i]);
printf("The epoch time in all computers to calculate the time was marked");
getch();
clrscr();
break;


case 1973:
printf("\n\n\t\tYear:%d\n\t",year[i]);
printf("UNIX completely written in C came into being. It was one of its kind as it was portable just as C");
getch();
clrscr();
break;


case 1978:
printf("\n\n\t\tYear:%d\n\t",year[i]);
printf("Ritchie & Brian Kernighan published the book - \" The C programming Language \"");
getch();
clrscr();
break;


case 1983:
printf("\n\n\t\tYear:%d\n\t",year[i]);
printf("Ritchie & Thompson receives Turing Award of Association of  Computing Machinery - Dubbed as Nobel prize for computing");
getch();
clrscr();
break;


case 1985:
printf("\n\n\t\tYear:%d\n\t",year[i]);
printf("Steve Jobs - Unix Devotee makes Unix as basis for NeXT workstation");
getch();
clrscr();
break;


case 1991:
printf("\n\n\t\tYear:%d\n\t",year[i]);
printf("Birth of Open Source - Linus Trovalds created Linux based on Unix & C");
getch();
clrscr();
break;


case 2011:
printf("\n\n\t\tYear:%d\n\t",year[i]);
printf("Dennis Ritchie - Father of C Passes away but he leaves his legacy on the millions of Apple, Andriod and Unix devices.");
getch();
clrscr();
break;


default:
printf("\n\t\t
Learning Software Engineering? -                        Baptism by C"); 
printf("\n\t\tWriting First Program in any language? - Learn to print \"Hello World\"");
}
    }
getch();
}

Wanted to give tribute in the words he created! It is simply amazing that all the javas, .NET, perl, python, etc share their origins to C. It is something like the first vertebrate within the animal kingdom, if my  biology serves me right.

For all the non-geeks - To understand the post please go to this link which I have used as a reference to get my facts straight.

PS: btw the above code compiles without warning and errors. :)

10 Secrets to Appear Busy in Office

Lot of times we get those blocks of time where we do have nothing to do yet boss hovers around like a vulture circling over a prey. In those case we sincerely wish that the boss sees we are working on something. However, we are in one of those blocks and before we know, a mail pops up with a new task and that little block of time is lost. This list is specifically for these situations where you can ensure you are perceived busy for the mutual satisfaction of both you and your boss.

Disclaimer Alert:These tasks are being performed by professionals in wasting time and yet appear busy. However, author is not responsible for any loss of job, loss of pay or any other untoward consequences arising out of following these steps.

1. Have at least 30 applications open. Have it in a prime number of combinations  such as  5 excel spreadsheets, 7 word documents , 3 powerpoint presentation, 2 other business applications, 13 notepad. Then use Alt + Tab to switch between windows as often as possible. Do claim periodically that your machine (workstation) is slow and hindering your productivity.
2. Select all mails and "Mark them as Unread" Then go and individually mark them as "Read". If ever asked, just reply - "I am ensuring to be on top of things." Better still keep them unread after the activity. Anyone pouring over the screen and seeing your unread mail list will understand the amount of work your are loaded with.
3. Open any file which has lots of data and charts in it. If you have two screens, better move the charts to bigger screen. This will not only make you look busy but also get you the intellectual tag.
4. Book a conference room, sit facing the door and call your own cell from the conference phone. Meanwhile, you can then continue do whatever you want on your machine. Have at least one business application open which will be helpful in case of any uninvited visitors coming to your conference room.
5. Call a meeting to discuss a new initiative which you know will never be implemented in another 5 years. Let the team brainstorm while you sit back and enjoy the discussion. Do have projectors and decks on to give the formality to the initiative.
6. Reach office early before anybody can everyday. You don't have to leave late. Coming early itself signifies, that you care for the work and you are going the extra mile by coming in early, while you spend the time gossiping about everything under the sky with your friend.
7. Ask your friends to call up your cell phone so that you can disconnect it. This signifies your devotion to your work and raises your esteem in the eyes of your bosses. On the contrary never go out and chat on your mobile phone in front of your manager. You are only asking for more work.
8. Keep formatting and re-formatting different cells in an excel sheet. Nobody pouring over your screen can detect your lack of work. Using of shortcuts will baffle and make the hovering vulture leave quickly.
9. Put 6-7 cups of coffee in the waste-box near you. Cups will tell all the stress going through your mind because of work. You do not need to drink coffee. The sight of crushed cups will do the trick. 
10. Even when you are posting a blog during your office hours, ensure every time you press Enter key, the sound reverberates in your manager's cubicle. The sound indicates pressure, frustration and your high fidelity towards work. Most managers are sadists and become happy when they see/hear/feel their directs slog it out even if no work is done. All that matters is manager must know that you are slogging.

Do let out other secrets of being perceived busy in office in the comments. It will help the author here ;)

Not an Insane Thought!

There is a thin line separating sanity from insanity, he thought. But the picture of saneness just appeared with two weights called "sane thoughts" and "insane thoughts" suspended by a pulley in his mind. He was on his way home and the train gave a perfect surrounding where he can calmly contemplate on his theory of insanity. Yet he knew, there was more that would drive a person on the paths to insanity. There was circumstance on which  many of the origins of insanity is attributed. However, he somehow could not include circumstances in his "Insanity Model" of saneness suspended by weights. Moreover, circumstances have limitations. Similar circumstances evoke different reactions in different people. So whether circumstances should be there in the model is a question in itself.

Jolted out of his reverie by the halting train, he realized he has reached his destination. He had just enough time to dump his open book into his bag and rush out before train started moving. Later he recalled, the only thing he remembered during this getting down was a smiling grey-haired gentleman with a baggage as big as his.

Once on the platform, a walk of 2 minutes he knew was where his home was and he had ennui for company. So he decided to go back to his thoughts but was interrupted by a hand asking for ticket. It was not in his pockets. His started looking into his bag which had remained open from the time he alighted. Fortunately he remembered his latest bookmark which was his ticket and proceeded to retrieve for it. A glint of metal caught his eye before falling in to his open bag. He jumped for it and before he knew in his hand he had a pistol . 

The metal was cold and it sat heavily in his hand. A feeling of being powerful swept through and he simply pointed the gun at the person who had dropped it. The ticket examiner (T.T.E) a portly fellow terrified, started screaming "Terrorists Terrorists". The gun owner was standing calmly. He now had both ennui and the gun for company. Still he wanted to explain, but the screaming remained unabated. A shot followed. Silence. A single hole in the middle of the forehead with blood trickling out and policemen running towards him was all he could remember. Probably boredom must be added as a factor to his pulley model, he thought sitting in the lonely cell. The only challenge now is how?

PS: Trying my hand at story-writing....hopefully it comes out sane :P

Stop Abusing Me!! - Fvck

I have here today a guest-blogger who is a bit peeved after release of the movie - Delhi Belly. To give a vent to his frustrations, I have invited him on my blog. So ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to this famous guest - "FVCK". The one word which is gaining popularity by the day and is capturing the market share of  the word "GOD". But it seems it is not very happy with it. So now let's hear from the horse's mouth!

Disclaimer Alert! - This blog contains words that are inappropriate for certain audiences. Other set of audience might feel this post as offensive.If you are in either of these highly sensitive category, I advice you to stop reading and go and continue watching facebook videos!

Delhi Belly - Nothing surpasses the pain, that Delhi Belly has given me. Almost every second line in the movie, my prowess was being used, yet I am not happy. You see, I have a job to do. My job is express profanity or to negatively characterize anything that can be dismissed, disdained, defiled or destroyed. There is nothing good in me. Even when used with the most noblest intention, I just cannot be good and I am proud of that. You can compare me with the garbage collectors. Even when they are doing their job, it is a dirty job. Remember the song - sab gandha hai par dhandha hai yeh! That is what I am all about.

Let me give you a bit more background before coming to the main issue. In our nether world of profanities, I am the one perched high up, way above the others. My peers - ass-holes, shit, hell, goddamn, damn although good can never match my versatility. I can be used in multiple situations to express most of the negative expressions. My peers remain in awe of this versatility. 

Now with the release of Delhi Belly, my usage has surged as I am now considered to be part of the pop culture. Although I always feel good about that, but the way it is being used, my standing among my peers has diminished. They are all laughing at me when they hear some of the usage mainly by some teeny-weeny gals and so-called dudes (read duds) who are out there to impress these teeny-weeny gals. Here are some sample usage

• Fvckingly funny - overheard a gal on mobile after watching Delhi Belly - Don't I just hate Delhi Belly?
• You know fvck......I was there fvck...I went to fvck movie...I caught cab fvck..Guy-talk they say - But like the pot-holes on the mumbai road, you do not want them, yet you cannot avoid them and by the time you finish a journey, you just want to say to the roads and these guys - Fvck Off!
• What a fvck!- A gal describing a beautiful natural scenery - nothing related to me!  - Go read Word Power to increase your vocabulary, you dumb creature.
• Oh fvck oh fvck oh fvck! - again by a gal - this is expressing happiness unfortunately my verb form is not being used! - Happiness and me without my verb form is an oxymoron, you morons! 

Probably I am over-reacting but this is humiliation. I wanted to sue Aamir Khan Productions. However, being a word, I cannot be a litigant and do not have any legal standing. After all how can an abusive word be abused? I need something like Prevention of Abuse of Words (PAW) backed by leading celebrities to take my cause. Meanwhile, you can do your bit by not abusing me and creating awareness on this. However, after reading this, if you exclaim - I don't give a fvck! I will find solace that you did not abuse me there. 

So signing off with a heavy heart - 

Yours Sincerely,

FVCK!

PS: I could not even sign my name with my correct spelling to escape being tagged as spam by the search filters. Sigh!