Guest Blog - An Old Man's rant

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Finally after a long time of no-activity I have been able to pen down a post albeit with the help of an anonymous old man who was last seen trying to catch an auto-rickshaw. :)
All autos whizzed past me but none stopped as every auto had a passenger. The time’s 9.15 AM. It is the peak time for the office-goers. I used to be like them not so long ago. I myself started my office-days playing catch-up with the elusive bus that helped me reach my office on time. But if I missed that, which happened quite often, did mean an earful in the morning from my not-so benevolent boss.
Anyways as my income increased I graduated to the auto-rickshaws which is a unique breed compared to all other modes of transport. The 2-stroke engine 3 wheeler has a tendency to roll over the moment it encounters any change in centre of gravity and thus it is a little dangerous if you have the weight to alter its centre of gravity. Yet remarkably this vehicle can wriggle out from the tightest corner like a cockroach with consummate ease. Yes I call the ubiquitous 3-wheeler the cockroaches of the road. They just come out and go in out of nowhere and if you are in them, you never know the route the driver is going to take. These days they also smell like cockroaches with toxic petrol and kerosene mix fumes coming out. I don’t blame the cockroach-roadie. The government has given them incentive to do that with differential pricing on all petroleum products. However, unlike the silent cockroaches, the cockroach roadie can spew out great invectives if by chance you block their progress. The best part is when at the end of ride you are mentally and physically exhausted they ensure you get financially exhausted too. But can’t really blame them. The system mandates them to be like that, else they get slaughtered like a pig. ( No pigs were harmed when writing this )

As time passed I moved to my “Hamara Bajaj” two-wheeler; the largest selling two-wheeler of the country. As the slogan went, it was a family vehicle equally loved by my wife and children. But my children have grown and they prefer the fast cars and motorbikes to “Hamara Bajaj”. So now my “Hamara Bajaj” sits in the corner of my household gathering rust and living a retired life just like myself. But hats-off to it for giving our family some of the best moments of our life.

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Now in the retired life I prefer walking rather than navigate the cows, potholes, the fancy cars and bikes. However I have to take my pension from the same place where I worked for so long and they have asked me to come sharp at 9.30. Wonder when India started working on time!!Ah, yes an empty cockroach has arrived and here I go reliving the journey of my younger days...

Where have all the leaders gone??

Elections have been announced by the Election Commission of India and all the TV channels are going blah, blah over it. The parties have started looking for alliances for the election. The blame-games have begun. Allegations and counter-allegations are coming up. More skeletons will tumble out of closets as election fever starts rising with the mercury! Amongst all the hoopla surrounding the election - this is the question that is the most disturbing one. - do we have the leaders who can lead the dynamic and young India in such extra-ordinary times of economic turmoil, terrorist threats, global warming to become the superpower that Kalaam envisaged?

The so-called national-level parties have septuagenarians and octogenarians as the prime ministerial candidate. Even for the state-level the situation is not much different. Again I am not criticizing these people just because of their age. They are all good and have served the nation for so many years. But isn't it time for someone else to take over who can bring in fresh ideas and be more proactive in the biggest business of running the nation?

I have been following elections since A. B. Vajpayee first became prime minister for 13 days. Sadly since then not much has changed. The faces all have remained the same albeit most of them have grown a little older.  No new ideas. In 2004, when UPA came to power, I thought there would be some improvement. After all we had a scientist as the president, economist as a prime minister and P. Chidambaram as the finance minister. Sadly they did not do anything radical when they had their chances. I was hoping something on the lines of 1991 from Manmohan Singh but am now disappointed.

Instead, we are seeing the decades-old tradition of chronic nepotism and cronyism when it comes to announcing the candidates. They talk of reservation for women and minorities in the parliament, yet the percentage of women and minorities standing for the election is in stark contrast with the reservations principle. Again minorities are normally given the political ticket only if the constituencies have majority population of that particular community.

Wannabe American Presidents debate on the type of policies that they are going to implement to win the election. Heck, we don't even know clearly who the prime ministerial candidate will be. I don't deny that there is no mud-slinging at the opposition during the American presidential campaigns. However, in India it is the only thing that the politicians engage in. They say that we would be bored of hearing the same old promises of roti-kapda-makaan. And my guess is that we will see a new low in the mud-slinging department too with technology being used as major weapons by all the political parties concerned. When can we see somebody at least promising us of some change? Even if we consider the younger lot - they seem absolutely clueless about the whole thing? If we consider Rahul Gandhi's immature statements, the future doesn't look promising.

Finally the most disturbing part of the whole election is, even if I vote a particular party out - they can come in through coalition. This entirely defeats the purpose of elections. This has happened in Kashmir elections that were held recently. The people voted out the PDP-Congress coalition and voted for National Conference. Congress dumped PDP and joined National Congress to form a Congress-NC alliance. How can people expect democracy to work if people don’t get the change they demanded in the elections?

Parody of Pal do Pal ka Shayar...the IT way!!

This  one's a parody song of Pal do Pal ka Shayar. The song had been playing back within my mind for quite some time. So this parody just came out to stop that!! :)

 

Main pal do pal ka coder hoon

pal do pal meri debugging hai

pal do pal meri rating hai

pal do pal meri coding hai

main pal do pal ka coder hoon (2)

Mujhse pahele kitne coder aaye aur aakar chaley gaye

kuch defect chodkar laut gaye kuch naya code kar chaley gaye

woh bhi ek module ka kissa thhey main bhi ek module ka kissa hoon

kal tumse jhuda ho jaunga jo aaj tumhara hissa hoon

Main pal do pal ka coder hoon

pal do pal meri debugging hai

pal do pal meri rating hai

pal do pal meri coding hai

main pal do pal ka coder hoon

kal aur ayenge application ki khilti defects fixkarnewale 

mujhese behetar code-likhnewale tumse behetar testkarnewale

kal koi mujhko yaad karhey kyon koi mujhko yaad karhey

masroof manager mere liye kyon waqt apna barbadh kare

Main pal do pal ka coder hoon

pal do pal meri debugging hai

pal do pal meri rating hai

pal do pal meri coding hai

main pal do pal ka coder hoon

Bench Period - in Java

This is a description of life on bench in software industry compiled inJAVA language ;)

class Bench extends Life()
{
void checkMails(){

while(!bored){
Click(“SendReceive”);

}
}

void drinkCoffee(){
Go(ToCafetaria);

while(true){
drinkCoffeee();
}
}

void ForwardMails(){

ClickForward(On all the incoming Mails);
}

void chatOnCommunicator(){

Ping(“The busiest person until he starts believing that bench is heaven”);
Chat(With people on bench even if they are sitting across your cubicle);
}

void riteBlogs(){

Think(crazy stuff);
Open(Word Doc);
Write(Post in MS-Word);
// To let your manager know about that you work even when there is no work

Publish(Post);
Wait(for the Comments);
}


void askforProject throws Exception(){
try{
Beg(“Allah ke naam project de de baba”);
//In name of God,please give me project
}


catch(NoProjectException e){
Blame(“Economic slowdown”);
         }

       catch(SkillsNotMatchingException e){
StartPraying(God Save Me);
}
finally{
MadeBillable(Project Assigned);//hope soaring :)
}
}

void doSleep();
{
System.out.println(“Zzzzzz…”);
}
}

public static void main(String[] args) throws Exception{

Bench Me = new Bench();
Me.doSleep();

If(Manager==Available){

         Me.drinkCofee();//To stay awake
Me.riteBlogs();

Me.askforProject();

}else{
while(!Manager){

                                Me.checkMails();
Me.ForwardMails();
Me.chatonCommunicator(); //Improves communication skills
Me.doSleep();

}
}
}

My Current Pune Room-mates !!

Back again to writing about my Pune room-mates!
If my Chennai room-mates were from different parts of India, my pune room-mates' mother tongue was always different from the state they lived in. So another sets of interesting people came in to live under one roof. Each one of us having a tale of two origins. To make it more clearer we have a Gujarati, and an Hyderabadi who have lived all their life in Maharashtra. Then we have a pure "Mathu" - He is the exception. He is from Maharashtra and has mother-tongue as marathi (A very rare exception for our room.) Finally there is me, who is a mallu born and brought up in Gujarat, worked in Chennai, and now working in Pune, Maharasthra. So much for the introduction. Again to protect the privacy of the persons concerned (including me), I won't disclose their names. You people can take a guess on that. They are A, B, C, D.



A
He is the real story-teller. If you are with him, you would never get bored as he brings up one story after another; all stories based on real life. The best part is that you would know so much about the person he is talking about that you do not need a formal introduction when you meet his friend. He really should be part UN's world peace initiative. He builds bridges between people who have never met each other in their lives before. So he is the ultimate catalyst for creating mashups in the real world. Finally he devours MTV and he cannot ever miss a Roadie or any of the reality show that MTV can crank up. So he is our MTV (Mashup TV)!!

B
Now this guy really rocks. He is the absolute cool dude that people (read girls) want around. He would reach a CCD on a friend's(you know what to read) call before Obama could think of his next sentence during his speech. The best part of his is that he likes cricket and soccer. He is really into a ESPN, Star-Sports, Neo-Cricket, Star-Cricket. Unfortunately he is our Sanjay Singhania of our Room. Not that he has 8-packs, but he suffers from amnesia. But instead of exact 15 min interval that Aamir Khan had, somebody has inserted random function in his brain which causes him to forget things after a random interval of time. So he is our Star Cricket!! (he is a star of our room that sometimes blink and the rest of the time he forgets to blink ;) and he loves cricket)

C
Now this guy is our Door Darshan. He has no specific genre in his content. He shows everything - news, reality shows, sports, movies, music, daily-soaps and even the old DD colgate ads :). You can get his views on all the topics present in the world. Caution has to exercised when taking his advice or when he says "Tension kyon leta hai?" (Why do you take tension?). Then there is more of a chance of your having your heart in the mouth till he resolves your issue. But the issue will get resolved. So taking his help is not for the weak-hearted.

D
This guy is aloof from all the concerns of the world. You never know what his next action item his. I wonder whether he himself knows about what his next action item is. Still it is very dangerous to have a remote in his hands. He will make you watch movies not the normal Hindi ones. Hindi is a definite no on his list. You are lucky if you are able to see an English movie as he is bent on watching Espanyol, Francaise, Italia, Portuguese, Deutsch, or even Korean. He would be sitting there with an intensity that Rahul Dravid also cannot match when defending a ball. If you think, it all going over your head, I do not blame you. For all his intensity he still gets out to some of the most simplest of the deliveries in the most comical of the fashion. In short, he also does not understand anything ;) )I call him World Movies (Nobody can understand how World works and he likes movies!!)

So thats completes my room-mates profile. Now challenge is back to you! Guess the people. You can map people Gujju in Maharashtra, Tamdu(Telegu) in Maharashtra, Mathu Manoos (Pure Marathi) and finally the Mallu from Gujju in Maharashtra!!! :)

Its Time to bed - Our gender war begins!!!

I have switched off my lights. The night was long and it suited me. I needed the rest. And somehow sensing my presence she came in. Noiselessly at first. I could not see her in the dark. Only felt her overwhelming presence coming upon me. She had been coming here for the entire last week.

I wanted to avoid her today as I was tired. I snuggled up deep in my blanket to avoid her. For a moment though, I felt relieved. I felt safe. But she sensing my uneasiness had waited. Waited patiently so that I can be comfortable with her presence. I popped out my head. I felt like her overwhelming presence has disappeared.

Again a sigh of relief went. Yet again she came in. This time with a definite purring. A soft voice came up as she started snuggling up around me. I was unsure of what to do the whole week. I tried to stop it. She was unrelenting. I did not want to hurt her. Actually I did not have the strength to hurt her. I just submitted to her desires. She sensed my powerlessness.

She now became a little more bold. She started caressing my hair and a soft purring started over my hear. I did not wanted this to go further. But powerless I was. My head again went inside the blanket. She still did not go. She knew my head would soon pop-out of the blanket. She knew my every pulse. After all same blood ran through our veins.

Finally she touched me. In the beginning the touch was a gentle caress. As her hands and feet all touched my bare skin - I waited for it to get over. And then like the phoenix rising from the ashes I arose. My strength returned. Her soft purring had stopped. She knew what was coming next. With bated breath she waited. My blanket was now off me. I started attacking her. She was deft and skillful and avoided my hands gracefully.

My mind again went tired and again i snuggled up inside the blanket. But now the heat was rising. I started sweating. She stayed put. I always admired her patience and perseverance. She knew the exact time when to touch me. In a way she knew everything about me. I was not surprised.


Finally I gathered my last bit of strength to reach the switch-board and switched on the fan and went deep into my blanket. She was shattered with this form of rejection. She knew I won't come out now. Her strengths - patience and perseverance was tested. They failed her with my last form of rejection and finally she just flew out of the room in an outrage. I was satisfied as I had finally own the battle of sexes. I can now enjoy me rest and sleep. Good Night :)


Now for all the reader out there - guess who she is??

Strength of the Genius

The whole nation is watching with bated breath. Even Australians are sniffing for some chance. Sachin had been hit with a beamer from Bret Lee. His concentration might be wavering. He son had told him to hit a six when he is on 94. He has failed in 90s seven times. What will a man do with 1 billion expectation on him to score a century? But does he an impeccable genius think any of this on his mind. Perhaps these thoughts do arise in the thoughts of this great man. But are sent packing out of his mind just as he sends the ball to the boundary. His whole self is waiting for the ball, nothing else... Finally he is able to steer away the ball for a single..the whole India erupts who have spent their only day at home in front of the television...and he has achieved one thing that has been elusive for a whole year...

This is where sports really scores over every other form of entertainment in the world as this is the only real thing that on display. The thoughts, the emotions all conjuring up the high that is not even found even in the best of nicotine or alcohol.

But the point here I want to stress is not the high the sports give but the mental toughness of the Little Genius. Nobody except he can shrug that Brett Lee's beamer like he did. The pain was enormous. But the only exterior sign of that pain was that of a momentary surprise on his face else he remain unfettered. He was even able to smile in the pain betraying none of the pain he is enduring. This is where the strength of his genius comes in. Its not the enormous talent he has that is making the difference, or even his hard work, but his competitiveness. He doesn't' want to give an inch (I believe inch is too big for him, maybe he is not ready to give an millimeter) to the opposition. There are lots of geniuses in the world, even larger amount of talented individuals having may be probably more talent than him, but only point where he scores is this fierce competitiveness...No words come from his mouth but his bat .. it never stops dictating terms....

On tomorrow's match as i talked in the last post, India have to win the tournament to show that they are worthy challengers and to silence their critics as Sachin did yesterday. I think he has set a great example for the youngsters watching the game. Finally its now your turn to bat with your comments....

India - Down Under

Tomorrow the final phase of the triangular series is going to begin.... The entire Indian tour of Australia has been marred by incidents which have enhanced my vocabulary to a great extent....It all began with "Monkey". After some days another term "Teri Maa ki" came into my colourful vocabulary. This rate of enhancements of my vocabulary has been the highest since my school days.... But really the enhancements came in both English and Hindi..really would make my Old English Teacher proud as well as the guardian Hindi teacher... Just when it seemed that the series was ending with only the sparks remaining of the old fire.... Hayden put some more wood by calling Harbhajan "Obnoxious little weed".... Really my sixth grade teacher would be fuming red with the kind of vocabulary enhancements her illustrious students are getting :-) .....

So now where does this leave tomorrow's match for India.... Really if India has to show that they are worthy contenders to the world champions title, they need to win against them on the field. Of course they have shown lots of guts till now...but what matters is the victory.... 5 years down the line everybody is going to read the Test scoreline as 2-1 to Australia and the umpiring issues would never be looked at... similarly assuming India loses the finals... nobody is going to talk about the fight India gave.... The only talk will be that of the dominion of Australia... Really can't blame anyone on that... but if we see the cold stats, India has just won one test and one ODI in the entire tour against Australia... so if Indian team wants to be considered as a worthy challenger, they really need to win the tournament...Because people always forget the losers.... So invite your comments on possible fall-out this series will have on the team standings as well as the cricket as a whole...

The Toss!!!

Hello everyone!!!

I have started this blog exclusively for sports addicts and the "not-so-interested-but-curious" kind of people. Of course it will be a real challenge for me to address both this disparate groups simultaneously. The major sports that are going to be covered in this blog are cricket, football, management fundas from sports, leadership lessons, the miracles ocurring in daily sports....
so latch on for further action...The match will commence from 2nd March...So be there to witness the next-gen sporting posts :-)

Smoker's Secret Paradise

These are some of the secrets which only smokers know…..

• Smokers’ can handle high amount of stress level. Non-smoker’s get tired of drinking coffee which is a pale stimulant as compared to nicotine…Smokers never get tired off it. Thus their productivity levels are higher
• Smokers’ always knows that their smoking habits are bad, so they always try to laugh about it. They learn to laugh at themselves. So they are more open to criticism than the non-smokers.
• Smokers always have to defend their smoking habits, so all the time they have to think something new to counter criticism. So they automatically become creative in their work…as they are more prone to use their Right side of the brain
  Again since they can laugh at themselves they are less prone to be bogged down by setbacks.
• Sometimes for them to come back after a setback, all they would need is a puff of smoke and they are on their feet and running.
• When non-smokers get stuck, they generally would go on and on to get the solution. Smokers, meanwhile would step back go for a smoke and come back. This helps them get a new perspective which may produce the solution faster.
• Smoking zones are always outside the building, along with the nature…in between trees. So smokers get the advantage of experiencing nature’s tranquility..and thus they get rejuvenated easily. For non-smokers, they can have breaks only in loud dinge of cafeteria..
• Smokers can easily build friendships with higher-ups in the organization as all it takes to start a conversation in smoker’s zone is “Got matches.. ..” :-)
  Continuing on that note if your boss is a smoker, then you would get an added benefit of him relaxing with you,thus a better chance to develop a warmer relationships….Of course this can backfire….
• Finally the thrill that comes with smoking a cigarette is unmatched…which only smokers know
  

Warning:- Cigarette smoking is injurious to health